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So you decided not to kill yourself and want to get on the bennies(welfare). Great! The USA welfare system is better then you think, you just have to know what to do and how to work the system. This guide assumes you live in the City and have a disabled diagnosis. If you don't have one, you can get one, il tell how below.
This guide is for folks who are>

1:US citizens (legal) 

2:Have 200-500 USD on hand

3:Have a stable place to revive mail at. 

4:Live in a major democrat controlled  us city/state that has fucking money.

5:A stable phone number.

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1:You need transportation. I recommend a bike or a bus pass.

If you choose a bike, get a cheap lock to keep the crackheads away. Walking sucks, anything is better then walking, /bike/bus/scooter/ etc. 

2:You NEED A PHOTO ID. Get one at the DMV. Its cheap. YOU NEED ONE TO CONTINUE. 

3:Open a bank account with 0 fees with a "too big to fail" bank. So that when the economy gos to shit, you still
 
get welfare payments. YOU NEED A PHOTO ID FOR THIS.
   
Cash EBT(General Assistance) cards have a lot of stupid restrictions you can bypass by having an online bank account. All you need is
 
1.A SSN

2.A DMV photo id. Thats it.

Il pause a little here and talk and little about STATE welfare.

If you can get on state welfare, apply for that first. They have SSI applicant assistance programs and Cash EBT that can help you out while waiting for SSDI/SSI. These programs may not be available in some states however. Search on the internet to find this information yourself. 

4:Apply for STATE welfare. Make sure to apply for Medicaid. Food Stamps, and maybe Cash EBT (General Assistance) depending on your  US State. I Live in a leftest state that has money so my state has General Assistance.

5:Wait until your Cash EBT/Medicaid/Food Stamps application at your local welfare office gets though. Most Cash EBT (General Assistance) have work requirements. You can bypass this by having a medical diagnosis.  More on this soon. 

6:Get a mental illness diagnoses by a medical professional. Use your Medicaid. The state welfare office (if you live in a leftest state with money) Will help you out with that.  What mental illness you choose is up to yourself to decide.

7:At this point i assume you have

A Photo Id

A Bank Account 

A means of transportation. (I recommend a bike.)

Food Stamps and Medicaid. Cash EBT (General Assistance) if you really live in a leftest state with money.

8:Now comes the hard part: Go to your local social security office and apply for SSI/SSDI. Make sure you have a stable phone number and an address as this is going to take some time.

9:This might take months. Make sure to stay on your application by calling them.

10:With luck and some interviews, you should get ssi/ssdi to your bank account in a few months. Always call them to keep track of your application. 

11:If your application is denied look up a welfare lawyer and go to court.  This is going to take a long time. Thats why you should ALWAYS apply for local welfare FIRST. Federal welfare second. 

For appointments ALWAYS arrive an hour early. 

Some Q's i know will be asked:

Q1:Can i apply for SSI/SSDI directly? 

A1:Yes but get ready to wait plenty. You have to eat during the waiting period too, thats why i highly recommend you apply for local welfare first.  They might even have cash if you live in a leftest state. 

Q2:How do appointments work? 

A2:ALWAYS arrive an hour early, no matter what happens. You can call to reschedule but the welfare call centers are always busy.

Q3:How do i know if my state has General assistance? (also known as Cash EBT)
 
A3:Use The internet. If your us state doesn't have cash relief you still have to apply for medicaid. Without local Cash EBT(General assistance), get ready to wait penniless for months.

Q4:SSI Or SSDI?

A4:If your parents allow you to use their work credits, Choose SSDI. If not there's a shitty asset limit you can't go under. It can be easily bypassed if you know what you're doing but SSDI pays more in general. 

Q5:Can you live off general assistance (Cash EBT)? 

A5:Local cash assistance is highly unstable. I highly recommend only relying on it while waiting on SSI/SSDI.
local Cash EBT can change quickly with economic conditions. Last thing you want is local politicians cutting all Cash EBT in your local area  and you starving to death. Get on SSI/SSDI ASAP.

Q:How the hell did you get all this info?

A:I browsed though almost the full archive of 4chan /r9k/ and wizardchan to get this info. 

So In Summary: If you want the welfare money, get ready to work for it. All you need is a functioning brain, some cash and a drive to get on welfare.  Make sure to assist yourself first, in the USA no one cares at all about a NEET. Help yourself out!

Whoever you are, i wish you luck in NEET life. 

@copyright anon
This work is under a creative commons attribution-share Alike License.

ver 1.1.5 Fixed big formatting issues and spelling errors. Made things more nonspecific for other folks situations.