https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyper_Text_Coffee_Pot_Control_Protocol

I noticed fucking_coffee.py (both python and python3 versions) cannot connect to the coffee machine.

I tracked this down to the script trying to connect via telnet instead of SSH.

Please fix!

Hello,

In story we have 2 sleeps "waits exactly 17 seconds" and " waits another 24 (!) seconds", but the code waits only:

sleep 64

I think this can be very dangerous to users, due:

• no time to put a cup,
• overflow a cup.

Greetings,

What is the purpose of having conversation under the Hacker Scripts in README.md ?
Like reading comic?

There's a whole lot of Windows developers out there who would love to use this too, and who will contribute based on it.

MIT perhaps, or if you really want people to just "do what the fuck they want to" use CC0.

In hangover script (python), it should check if there's a terminal open then exit, where as it checks if there's no session then exit.

Line 15-18

# exit if no sessions with my username are found
output = subprocess.check_output('who')
if 'my_username' not in output:
    sys.exit()

should be

# exit if no sessions with my username are found
output = subprocess.check_output('who')
if 'my_username' in output:
    sys.exit()

I see this comment, but the line below only sets the email subject line.
https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/kumar_asshole.rb#L17

Add a Gemfile to take care of ruby dependencies.

Issue Description

I've been running the PowerShell version of smack_my_bitch_up in production for a couple of weeks now, and while everything seemed to work great at first, after a few days I began to encounter some erratic behavior - things like no dinner on the table, the cold shoulder treatment, "you're sleeping on the sofa tonight", "no, everything is Just. Fine" and other similar, weird response codes.

Steps to Reproduce

Sadly, I don't have a clear repro on the issue as each run seemed to produce different results, and thus I've been unable to pin down the exact behavior. However, I have since made some changes to the script by adding some randomly-selected string terminators to the $message variable:

$STRTERMS =
  'Love u',
  'You''re beautiful',
  'I''m cooking dinner tomorrow',
  'Girls trip this weekend?'
$term = $STRTERMS | Get-Random
$message = "Late at work. $reason. $term."

While this change did not get rid of all the random issues, it does seem to have taken care of the worst symptoms. For one, I am very happy to report that I've gone back to sleeping in my own bed.

I have no idea whether this is happening due to some specific issue with my production setup, or some weird PowerShell bug I'm unaware of.

I was gonna submit a pull request but I'm not sure my (partial) solution is generally applicable, and unfortunately I don't have the time or resources to set up a separate test environment.

Has anyone else encountered similar issues with this script in the past?

thanks

My Environment

• one wife (kinda high maintenance)
• two kids (primary school / kindergarten age)
• one visiting mother-in-law (can't wait for next Monday when I'll be able to uninstall and re-test without this library)
• PowerShell v5.1.16299.15 on Windows 10.0.16299.15

Thanks for the blog post and code ;-D

Really entertained by the story and of course the guy.

Looks like we've already had kumar-asshole.sh and fucking_coffee implemented in Python and Ruby (hopefully more to come, so many polyglot fans), however, the original shell scripts which are supposed to be in $HOME/bin are missing, it'll be great if they can be added.

Thanks again for entertaining the crowd ;-D

Hi i want you to explain well the script php
In order to tell me how i can use it or test it
Thanks

Would an implementation in Golang be useful/valuable to anyone?

I would love take a stab at re-implement (some|all) of this functionality in Go, if the maintainer/owner is accepting PRs.

I ideally some people used hipchat.I think we should support hipchat too.
More info hipchat API

I really love this kind of thing.

https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/java/fucking_coffee.java

Class name should be FuckingCoffee

Could you please provide more information about the make of the coffee machine etc (because I really want a coffee machine that I can run the coffee script with)?

This repo is mint. Just wanted to say that. XD Close this issue

I keep getting and error in my hackerutils.py file: "ImportError: cannot import name 'Dotenv'" and I can't quite figure out why. It's probably a simple fix, I'm just not sure.

This is not actual scripts leaved by genius engineer. Thought this is is actual legacy repository, but actually just a fake.

The readme promises a 17-second and a 24-second delay in https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/fucking_coffee.rb, but that script only delivers the 24-second delay.

This line: https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/nodejs/hangover.js#L33

var excuse = excuses[Math.floor(Math.random() * excuses.length)];

should be:

var excuse = excuses[Math.floor(Math.random() * excuses.length - 1)];

var excuse = excuses[Math.floor(Math.random() * (excuses.length - 1))];

Did the boss receive SMS every day after that person left the company?

The password for the coffee machine is stored in the source code, which is 1234:
https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/fucking_coffee.rb#L12

This could allow anyone with access to the source code to access the coffee machine on the network.

Please remove the password from the source code into an environmental variable, and rotate the credentials on the coffee machine immediately.

I am really curious to know more about the guy who wrote the scripts :D

Currently they numbers are hardcoded. I would like to use them from env file.

And for god's sake, stop supporting python2.

I suggest making more believable responses that show some affection and more variety will make the script more useful. @popaulina was not pleased with me attempting to put this into practice. She has volunteered her time for the cause (we can use her help for testing).

I suggest ideally some sort of language modeling for these excuses (e.g Markov sentence generator), or at the very least marking excuses that were sent recently to be excluded for the next 6 months or longer if you've recently fucked something up in your relationship.

Thoughts?

[:|||||||||||||||||||||||||:]
[:/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/:]
[:|||||||||||||||||||||||||:]
[:/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/:]
[:|||||||||||||||||||||||||:]

The script now fails with the following error message :

kumar_asshole.rb:18:in `create_reply': undefined local variable or method `gmail' for main:Object (NameError)
    from kumar_asshole.rb:36:in `block in <main>'
    from kumar_asshole.rb:25:in `each'
    from kumar_asshole.rb:25:in `<main>'

Probably shouldn't be pouring coffee every hour if hangover.sh ran that morning...

Had a quick look at https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts/blob/master/powershell/fucking_coffee.psm1 but I have some issues with the conversion from the original language:

• I don't think "if ($env:Username.Count > 0) { return }" does what you think it does. Quick heads-up: PowerShell has no return statement, or a ">" operator (which is written as "-gt" in PowerShell).

• You don't call defined functions with the "Send-TelNetCommands($Writer, "sys brew", 24)" syntax. Correct syntax here would be "Send-TelNetCommands -writer $Writer -command 'sys brew' -WaitTime 24".

• Calls to Send-TelNetCommands give wait times in seconds (from the description of the what the script should do elsewhere), but inside the function that parameter value is used as milliseoonds, given "Start-Sleep -Milliseconds $WaitTime" (which by the way does use correct PowerShell parameter syntax)

This is sort of silly, really... :-/

I dont understand what is this thing about ? what it does ?whats its use ?

Hate to be an SJW, but rename that script, I think in the spirit of an open source COMMUNITY, we don't need to name files like that. Just call is like "tell-wife-gunna-be-late" or something like that.

Which one is the best? Preferably running Linux and is easy to telnet into.

When I startup the script with all of the correct info in the right places, I get an IMAP error and I have no idea what from.

You did a great work! Learn from you!

The script fails with this message :

kumar_asshole.rb:21:in `block in <main>': undefined method `[]' for #<Mail::Body:0x007fd4bda2be50> (NoMethodError)

hello Mr., I am a translator, I want to translate English into Indonesian, Because majority of the population of Indonesia does not master English

I'm sure I've missed something but, why does it just execute the ruby script instead?