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Home Page: https://lucas-c.itch.io/undying-dusk
The very first PDF video game
Home Page: https://lucas-c.itch.io/undying-dusk
SumatraPDF tourne en boucle, mais n'ouvre pas le fichier.
Sumatra PDF 3.2 64bits - édition portable
Win 10 - 8Go RAM
I went through and proofread all the dialogue visible in the game. Below are the typos I found. Some are pretty clear typos, while others are only included because I was looking anyway and figured you might agree with the awkward wording. Feel free to ignore any you don't agree with, of course. I have very roughly sorted them to start with the more clear-cut or important. Each entry has 3 parts: a description of where it is found, a segment of text quoted from it (with "\" to denote newlines), and a summary of what I think should be changed and why
In intro dialogue
"In fact, \ appart from \ that peculiar detail..."
Should be spelled "apart"
In scriptorium conversation with Seamus
"... but I can't come back inside \ as monks turned into demons!"
Not sure if there's room, but better phrasing would be "as THE monks HAVE turned into demons"
In scriptorium and dead walkway when pushing boxes
"You pushed forward \ the box in front of you"
Usually the sentence order is switched, more like "You pushed the box in front of you forward" or just "you pushed the box forward"
In courtyard or library when dying to the imp or shadow tendrils
"If you cannot bring an enemy \ lifebar to zero before \ loosing your last HP"
Should be spelled "losing"
When picking up the heal spell in the library
"Casting a spell cost 1 MP."
It should say "costs"
"An icon will show up \ when you can use \ other spells elsweshere."
Should be spelled "elsewhere"
Leaving the couryard dialogue with Seamus
"You had no choice, \ no one touched \ by the empress curse \ can be saved..."
Should be "empress's curse" or "curse of the empress"
(this one is grammar picky) should be a semicolon ";" after choice, not comma ","
Chapel in the woods dialogue
"What have you done ?"
There shouldn't be a space before the question mark
"Now the empress curse \ will befall us!"
Should be "empress's curse" or "curse of the empress"
Monastery path when dropping the crucifix in the well
"Splash !"
Should probably not have a space before the exclamation point
On the plains, dialogue with Seamus
"The empress castle stands \ further behind the canal"
Should be "empress's castle" or "castle of the empress"
On the plains, after getting the scroll, locking you out of town
"search the canal \ amulet before returning"
Grammatically incorrect. Suggestions include "search the canal FOR AN amulet" or "search FOR the canal amulet"
Templar academy book phrasing (current wording is somewhat awkward, suggested rephrasing)
"During all their \ formation, young templars \ wear a sapphire amulet, \ symbolizing the moral purity \ they are trying to acquire"
The current phrasing of the first half implies each single templar would wear an amulet for the whole time of the Templar order (hundreds or thousands of years?). Here is my suggested alternate phrasing: "Ever since the founding of their order, young templars would wear...". If you intended "formation" to mean the period of training of a single knight, you could use "training", "upbringing", "education", etc
Wording suggestion: I think "achieve" or "embody" would be a better word than "acquire"
Templar academy book
"The guarding lady, \ is a famous mythical figure. \ Templar apprentices took \ their vow by kneeing \ before her statue"
The word "kneeing" means to hit with your knee. It should be "kneeling"
(smaller suggestion) there probably shouldn't be a comma after "lady"
(smaller suggestion) it might be better to say "would take their vow" rather than "took their vow"
Templar academy, picking up the sword
"You found \ the saint knight \ rusty sword"
This phrasing suggests that the sword is always rusty, known for being rusty, etc. Suggested phrasing: "You found the saint knight's sword! It appears to have gotten rusty."
Second time on the plains, attempting to return to town immediately
"The whispering wind \ advises you to look behind \ the ivy before returning"
This text is inaccurate, as it references the previous trip.
After burning one of the bone piles, it changes to say to "follow Seamus' \ advice before returning", which still seems out of date
Upon killing the druid, it allows you in town, despite not having triggered the trap yet (You required completing everything before returning other times, so I'm not sure if you wanted to require that before you are allowed to buy the boots)
after buying the boots, it once again tells you to "follow Seamus' \ advice before returning"
To be honest, I don't think you can do anything in town at all until you can buy the boots, and by that point, there's nothing you can do in the plains until you buy the boots, so I wonder if it would be best to just take off the locking and let players go back and forth between
when you return to the plains for the last time, it tells you to look behind the ivy
Templar academy book
"The secret of the saint \ knight victory over the storm dragon..."
Should probably be "the saint knight's victory"
(totally unimportant but mentioning since the above was mentioned) the colon after "armor" should probably not have a space before it
Mausoleum, top of abyss
"The path ends abrutly"
Should be "abruptly"
Mausoleum, bottom of abyss
"A secret lays, \ in the reflection \ of this place"
"Lays" is for setting down. The word for this is "lies"
Also should probably not have a comma
Just realized this might have been meant to rhyme. If that is preferred to you, feel free to disregard (as with all of these)
Mausoleum, reflection of abyss
"The empress soul"
Should be "empress's soul" or "soul of the empress"
Mausoleum, after raising the stick lever
"You raise the lever \ and hear a metalic noise"
Should be "metallic"
Town, trying to return to mausoleum early
"The whispering wind \ advises you to bring the scroll \ to the sage before returning"
The middle line is long enough that it doesn't fit in the screen (also, this block is not needed)
Mausoleum, book with song text
"as wisdom was \ is new ambition"
"is" should be "his"
Mausoleum, book instructing about secret mechanism
"stairs \ leading to the castle above \ were condamned long ago."
should be "condemned"
"A secret mechanism \ allows to open the iron gate:"
The phrase "allows to open" is not grammatically correct. There are many rephrasings that could work, but I think the simplest few (especially to fit in the line) are "can open", "will open" or "opens"
Town, returning to repair the armor
"Acquired st knight armor"
If it's fine to split lines, would probably be better to say "the saint knight's armor". This matches other uses of "saint" that were not abbreviated and includes the article "the" (split right after "acquired"?)
Town, throwing a coin in the well
"You throw a coin in the water. \ Deep down under your feet \ something rumbles in the dark"
The text on the third line overflows by about 1 character width. For reference, the first line overflows by like 1 pixel, and the second line only has 2 or 3 characters to spare, so it may need another line. If there's a period at the end of the third line, you might be able to get away with just deleting that and having the third line only overflow by a tiny bit, like the first line.
Much less important, there should probably be a comma after "feet"
Leaving mausoleum to castle
"You leave the catacombs"
should it say "mausoleum"?
"to enter prudently \ the castle above."
it should probably say "prudently enter"
"you reach the empress's \ quarters: there is only \ darnkess and ruins."
Should be "darkness"
lying goblin
"for 3 gold, mylady"
should be "milady"
dead walkways, as you enter
"The empress voice echoes:"
Should be "the empress's"
dead walkways as you progress
"The empress voice echoes:"
Should be "the empress's"
"My love, the champion knight"
Should it be "the saint knight"? Also, I can't see well because it's just barely over the edge of the page, but it looks like there's a period after the word "knight" that shouldn't be there
dead walkways in front of the empress
"The empress voice echoes:"
Should be "the empress's"
final cutscene
"a cheval mirror \ is standing behind"
should probably say "standing behind her"
"did seamus knew?"
should say "know"
Less clear-cut or important section:
In intro dialogue
"Time has come \ to make a decision"
Should probably start "The time has come..."
When leaving the scriptorium
"the sun is stuck \ in a never ending dusk."
I believe it should be written "never-ending" or "neverending", 1 word or hyphenated
In the well in the courtyard
"You find a wood stick \ down in the well"
I believe it should be "wooden"
Trying to return to the monastery
"The monastery doors \ are closed"
Might be better to say "are locked"
When fighting the imp and shadow soul with the crucifix and bottle
Throwing the bottle doesn't remove it from inventory
Throwing the crucifix at shadow soul says "shadow_soul dodged it"
This is long enough to overlap the heal spell and strange to have the underscore "_"
Entering town the first time
"People welcome you, \ and ask for your help..."
Should probably not have the comma
In town, first conversation with Sage Therel (minor phrasing suggestion)
"I will teach it to you \ if you bring me a scroll."
Might be better phrased as "I can teach it..."
In town, Simmons Fine Clothier shop options
"I can repair an armor \ from broken parts"
Should probably say "a suit of armor"
I wonder if it would be good to either have him charge you a (small?) fee for repairing the armor or add "(free)" to the end of the prompt
In town, The Pilgrim Inn
"Buy room for the night"
Should probably say "Buy a room for the night"
On the plains, after talking with Seamus, locking you out of town (grammar nitpick)
"The whispering wind \ tells you to follow Seamus' \ advice before returning"
Should technically be "Seamus's"
Getting the amulet blessed (grammar nitpick)
"you receive \ the templars blessing"
Should probably be either "templar blessing" or "templar's blessing"
Templar academy book
"Seamus Mc Lornan is \ a powerful wizard..."
Names with "Mc" in them generally are written with no space after "Mc", so "Seamus McLornan"
Mausoleum, fighting the door mimic
"Flying handle" and "You get a \ piece of \ armor"
The attack text and reward text overlap. Not sure if it's easy to fix, and if not, probably not worth it
Mausoleum, fighting the box mimic
"Wood slivers" and "You get a \ piece of \ armor"
Same as above, there's overlap that may not be worth fixing
A large number of tiles have multiple missing angle views, specifically the diagonal views. For the angles that are mostly off-screen, you could probably argue that they are not visible (though it would be nice to include them), but for the views 1 or 2 forward and only 1 to the side, the whole tile is visible, so you would want those rendered. This includes:
boulder_ceiling
boulder_floor
boulder_grass
dead_tree
dungeon_wall_small_window
dungeon_wall_tagged
portcullis_exterior
portcullis_interior
seamus_on_floor
seamus_on_grass
If you do not intend to fix these but you do have the base images for the boulder, etc, it would be nice if that were included in the project so I could much easier splice something in on my personal copy.
I noticed that there was supposed to be hint text for opening the portal back to town (ctrlg), but that it didn't seem to be rendering. It looks like there are two separate bugs independently making it not work:
First, it renders the hint letter text first, and then renders the book text over it, making it covered up .I think you can safely just move the "extra_render" case to after the main text to fix this. I'm not certain, but it seems all the other "extra_render"s are not for books, making them irrelevant.
Second, it looks like you made all text red when you are low health, and when you get to this bookcase, you are low health. This means that you have to actually solve the puzzle that this hints toward before you can heal and see the text. I would imagine the least disruptive solution would be to make it so that rather than making the hint text red, it instead toggles the color, making it white on red that time. That said, personally, I think book text being red when you are low health is a strange choice, so it might be better to just make that always white.
If you climb over the mausoleum without the hint, reversing the abyss page doesn't take you anywhere notable. I'm guessing it's because that hint splits the state space when not desired. One potential fix would be to simply flag the hint tag when you encounter the zombie from the roof, as you have already used the info from the hint.
I'm not sure if there's any others, but when I previously was just flipping through the pages, I found several instances of the climbing over the mausoleum page in a place that was not just before the shortcut entrance. For example, in the public pdf I downloaded a month ago, on page 197070. I'm not sure if there are any other similar pages that have no way to get to them, but I figured I'd let you know.
Also, unrelatedly, I don't know how github's standards or your preferences, but if I have any suggestions on tweaks to puzzle flow (the main thing I was planning to tweak in my modding), is that something you'd like to hear, and if so, would that be something I would put in an "issue" here or is there somewhere else I should share that with you? I'm happy to keep things to myself, to be clear, but I figured I'd be happy to offer my thoughts if you wanted them.
Currently, the space where it has the music icon is simply not a link. The square is cut out of the "turn the page" link, but it doesn't link to the music.
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