arfc / 2019-chee-global Goto Github PK

Hi @gwenchee . I've attached some comments about the second draft. Overall, it looks good, though some care will need to be taken to clean up some issues regarding clarity. Sorry for taking so long to look it over.

chee-global-paper-2.pdf

This issue can be closed with a pull request that addresses the comments in the attachment above.

@gwenchee : Julia is an undergraduate research assistant this semester who has taken the Stanford MOOC on scientific writing. Her work assignment is to help us with some of the editing tasks by suggesting edits which apply the lessons from that MOOC toward improved grammar, directness, brevity, impact, clarity, etc. I would like this abstract to be her first assignment. I hope this is ok with you.

@juliaroessler Please read the pdf below and make suggestions (either as comments here in this issue or via pull request).

chee-global-abstract.pdf

For reference, the checklist:

• Articles such as "a" "the" "some" "any" and "each" appear where necessary.
• All subjects match the plurality of their verbs ( no: "Apples is tasty" yes: "Apples are tasty")
• Avoid run-on sentences.
• clunky nouns -> spunky verbs (progression, expression --> progress, express)
• reduce vague words (important, methodologic)
• reduce acronyms / jargon
• get rid of unnecessary prepositional phrases -- author clearing throat (It can be shown that)
• get rid of extraneous adverbs (very, really, quite, basically, generally)
• get rid of there are / there is
• turn negatives to positives (she was not often right -> she was usually wrong)
• get rid of extraneous prepositions (the meeting happened on monday -> the meeting happened monday) (they agreed that it was true -> they agreed it was true)
• get rid of passive voice (is/was/are/were/be/been/am + past tense verb), replace with active voice
• use strong verbs (use sparingly: is, are, was, were, be, been, am)
• avoid turning verbs into nouns ("obtain estimates of" -> "estimates"; "provides a description of" -> "describes")
• don't bury the verb (keep the predicate close to the subject at the beginning of the sentence)
• data is plural (the data are critical)
• compare to (point out similarities between different things) vs. compared with (point out differences between similar things)
• punctuation helps you to vary your sentence structure
• Power to separate in increasing power: comma, colon, dash, parentheses, semicolon, period
• In increasing order of formality: dash, parentheses, all of the others. Don't overdo it with the dash and parentheses
• semicolon: connects two independent clauses. OR used to separate when the items in the list contain internal punctuation.
• use a colon to introduce a list, quote, explanation, conclusion, or amplification
• if there's a list in a sentence, it shouldn't come before the colon
• use a dash to insert something in the middle of the sentence. Don't overuse it.

After my review, here are some comments:

https://github.com/arfc/2019-chee-global/files/3614496/2019-chee-global.pdf

This issue can be closed with a PR that handles them.

This issue can be closed after @katyhuff reviews this draft of my global paper:
chee-global-paper.pdf

Addressing:

1. Julia's comments
2. More clarity regarding what work was done and what work exactly will be presented
3. Passive -> Active Voice

This issue can be closed when @katyhuff reviews this global presentation draft. arfc-pres.pdf

This issue can be closed after @katyhuff reviews draft 2 of my global paper:
chee-global-paper.pdf

Hi @gwenchee I forgot about this repo. Did you present this at global 2019? If so, maybe this repo can be public now?

chee-global-abstract.pdf

some of the attached scribbles were mentioned in #5 . But, please look over these comments. Sorry so scribbly. This issue can be closed when all scribbles have been addressed and solutions merged in.